Understanding and Managing Emotions (Free Preview)

We’re covering high and low EI.  But how do you define Emotional Intelligence? It’s all about empathy for others.

Super Dave was working with a college team, and in their locker room, an athlete burped in front of him. Dave pointed it out and asked his teammates about it. The player was unaware that he was burping, and his teammates talked about how annoying and distracting it could be. Now, this player is aware. If he burps in front of his teammates again, he would have low EI, because he’s doing it even though he knows it’s impacting the people around him negatively. But, if he holds it in, the player has high EI and has empathy, because he’s trying not to be a distraction to his team.

The hockey season is LONG, and emotional intelligence can play a powerful role in it. We can have annoying or distracting habits, and if we understand high and low EI, then we can be better teammates.

You can gain awareness as you reflect on your EI and begin to make some choices for your actions. There’s no more, “I just couldn’t control myself.” When you’re acting in your self-interest or based on emotions, you’re not working as part of the team.

There are seven core emotions we all have: anger, fear, disgust, happiness, sadness, surprise, and contempt. When you know the emotions that could be triggered, you can create awareness, and plan how you’re going to react.

A Chance to Plan

Part of managing emotions is being aware of and anticipating them. What’s the trigger that throws you over the deep end? Once you’re aware of your trigger, plan how you want to respond to those situations.  To be high EI through the whole game, you can plan on reactions from the different one-ice scenarios and mix your hockey IQ with your emotions.

Signals

Emotions are not good or bad; they’re signals. You might think you need to get rid of an emotion, but that emotion is signaling that something is going on. When you’re looking at the emotion instead of from it, you can make a better choice. If you’re feeling angry, it means that something is important to you, and you’re not doing it well, or something is getting in the way. With that information, what’s your best option for moving forward?

When Super Dave was reviewing video with a player. He’s backchecking, there are two defensemen, and the other team is coming through the neutral zone, doing a line change. So other team has the puck, and the player two hands his opponent in the back of the legs. In this situation, there was plenty of puck support and no real threat of scoring. So Super Dave asked the question, “What’s going on in your life?” He didn’t have to do that, but he went low EI. At that moment, he wasn’t thinking about the vision of the team or his core identity.  Something else was building up and triggering him.

Doc Wally was working with college pitcher whose emotions were putting his career in jeopardy. The player kept getting into fights, and feeling like when his emotions get too strong he would lose control. But Doc Wally asked which hand he used during the fights, and it wasn’t his pitching hand. So, he was making a decision, and he was in control. They needed to back it up and understand this player’s triggers.

All of us as players can think of similar scenarios of our own. But here’s the thing: Doc Wally and Super Dave aren’t expecting anyone to be perfect. This lesson is focused on minimizing emotions that interrupt your game and build again.

Emotional intelligence is creating awareness of what you’re doing.  By being aware and preparing, you can be a championship teammate. You don’t have to be the best goal scorer or most intense player. A championship teammate is a solid player doing their part in the game and on the team.

Responding to Emotions

You’re not fighting or suppressing your emotions. Managing your emotions is about being aware, adjusting to what’s going on, and redirecting that energy. The more you can be aware of your emotions, the more options, flexibility, and control you have. Reacting with emotions doesn’t work well, responding allows you to be a better player.

Super Dave’s Story Time

As a coach for a AAA team, Super Dave has taught his players about EI. During a game, the coach for the other team went low EI;  screaming at players and refs. Super Dave’s players came up during the second period break and talked about the other coach. Since he went low EI, they knew they could press in and ended up winning the game.

While Super Dave was working with Liberty University’s team, he noticed the other teams in the league couldn’t compete on the same level. So instead, they compete by chirping the players, getting under their skin, and getting them to go low EI. A lot of times in the game it’s the coach’s game plan to talk the other team into the penalty box. If that team is in the box for 8-10 minutes, or longer, that puts them in a power-play situation.  As a player, don’t buy into the emotions and don’t give in to someone chirping you.

We’ve talked about being aware of your emotions so you can manage them and looking at your emotions instead of from them. But how can you apply these lessons?

Blinded by Emotions

Doc Wally asked Super Dave to cover his eyes and describe what he saw. He couldn’t see anything. So, Doc Wally had Super Dave extend his hand in front of his face. Now, Super Dave can see his hand clearly, and see the environment around him, beyond his hand.

When we have low EI, we’re blinded by emotions and reacting to what happens around us. If you take a step back, you can see your emotions and all the things around you – the puck, the play, the players. You don’t want to be blinded by your emotions; you want to learn to recognize them.

Managing Emotions

What’s leading you, values, or emotions?  When you let your emotions lead, we have low EI, which usually comes with regret. With values leading your choices instead of emotions, you have high EI, and you’re choosing how you want to react. When you’re facing a significant decision, HALT! If you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, those feelings can influence you. Take time to see if that’s the right decision, or if your emotions are leading you.

We can figure out places or moments where you typically have low EI. Picture a situation where you’ve had low EI, how you felt, and what you did. How would you prefer to think about it, and what actions would you prefer to take? When you review those low EI moments, start with the end in mind. You’re planning to respond differently, and practice makes perfect.

Performance development comes along with personal development, and these lessons help you become a better player and a better person. Whether it’s at the rink, at school, or with your parents, you can use these tools to understand and manage your emotions.